I wanted to finish last night, but somewhere around midnight I realized that the scene I'd saved for last was far too important to write while half-sleep and drooling on my keyboard (it was a long weekend). So, this morning, I nearly jumped out of bed at 6am, and only stopped on my way to my laptop for my contacts and a cuppa coffee - technically, I went to my computer before either of those things to try my hand at getting Pottermore early access (I was successful), but that's besides the point.
My mind's been playing tricks on me for the last several days as I've been getting close to this moment. It feels like I've slowed down and everything else has sped up. I wanted desperately to get here and also desperately never to get here. I don't know what my life is going to be like without this story kicking around in my brain needing to be written.
I started world-building a very different Escaterra from the one it is now when I was 13 years old. In late June of 2003, I felt the breath-taking end of my childhood when I came home from babysitting to find my mother in tears after receiving a phone call that my grandmother, to whom I was utterly devoted, had passed away. I flew with mom to Seattle - something I was supposed to do by myself only a few short weeks later for my annual visit to my grandmother - to help her arrange the memorial service and pack up her apartment.
Depression came easily to me in the months that followed; it a condition that runs rampant in my father's family tree, and I was no beauty, often plagued by barbs and insults from classmates about my looks and teacher's pet nature. Creating my world of fantasy was an adventurous escape, and that's what I needed most: something to make me feel alive and excited again. I eventually received the first bit of help for my depression when I was 14 at a summer camp that I will forever credit with saving my life. But long before that July day when campers and camp counselors supported me through my worst, I created my own light at the end of the tunnel - something sufferers of depression must do, but too often fail at.
As I've grown in maturity of age and writing, Escaterra has changed, my characters have changed, but what it means to me never has. Never will. I can only hope and pray and fight for the chance that one day it will mean even a little something to someone else.
Today's post is not one for weekly stats or goals or summary. I just wanted to share a little of me with you. And I'll end with the Last Line of the scene I finished this morning: "Nico didn't hesitate."
From here on, neither will I.
Farrell, it has been so awesome to see you take this journey, and I cannot wait to see the finished product. If there's one thing I've learned from you, it is the meaning of perseverance. That is something you have taught me that I will take with me into the wide world, the ability to never call it quits even when the odds seem piled up to the sky. I can't even fathom the joy you are experiencing with your novel, and I know you've put so much of yourself into it that it will certainly be everything you hope it will be. Farrell, please don't ever give up on yourself, because if you do then what hope is there for the rest of us? Keep heading for the finish line! :)
ReplyDelete@Matt, as always, you make my day with your encouragement. Although this blog is for anyone to read, knowing you have taken the journey with me brings me no small amount of joy, after the journeys we've been able to take together before. Thank you for always being a strong supporter who makes perseverance possible. I can't wait to see you again and hear your plans for YOUR dreams to come true. :)
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